Romances of the Road

Bea and Wes met in college, thirty-some years ago, fell in love and married within months and are happy together to this day.  Her little sister Hanna did the same with Don, about fifteen years later.  The sister in the middle, Rita, has just been divorced from a dishonest husband for the second time, and is hurting, hurting, hurting.

Stella and Vinnie met when they were both living far from their hometowns, after college.  They dated, they moved in, they married, they had babies.  They moved to her hometown and then to his, they changed jobs and professions.  Fifteen years together, or a bit more, and they look set for a lot more.

Rena’s father, about 90, was profoundly happy with her mother for decades.  A few years after he was widowed, he met another woman whom he grew to love deeply, and they married after a year or two and were profoundly happy for many more years before her recent death.  Rena and her brother have both been divorced, dated happily and unhappily, and are unattached today, around their 60^th birthdays.  They and their father wonder what made the difference.

Lee’s husband of 15 years fell in love with a user, spent a ton of money, broke both Lee’s heart and his own, and moved away.  Now she is exploring a new relationship with Howie, whose wife left him and their kids for a new life with a family friend a thousand miles away.  Howie sings Lee improvisational love songs and cooks for her, and she and the children have become buddies.  I have my fingers crossed for all kinds of happy continuations – never endings.

Libby and Rick met in grad school.  She told him she’d never have long hair or learn to cook.  They’ve been together 30 years and look like they fit like a hand in a driving glove.

Terry and Brit met when he was married, with a second baby on the way.  They fell in love gradually, anxious all the way, and he left his wife and two kids abruptly and moved in with her.  They loved and hurt and figured each other and themselves out for several years, and built a family with his kids, eventually adding more.  They’ve been together about 20 years, with rough spots and a lot of joy.

Neil and Betty dated in their 30s, when he was going through a second divorce.  She didn’t think it was working out, despite a strong bond, and moved far away.  She married; he married again.  They both had kids and plenty of them.  She divorced; he was widowed.  She got in touch with him through an internet search, and they talked on the phone.  The bond was still there.  They dated long distance, and eventually he moved to be with her.  That was ten or twelve years ago.  They take care of each other in old age.  The bond is still there.

Mary had several serious and not-so relationships over several decades, was married for a while but divorced, tried online dating with some success.  Now she doesn’t care – at about 60, she may be perfectly happy to be entirely single for the rest of her life.

My last-ex-but-one had a clearly-marked expiration date when I fell for him, and man oh man did it nonetheless hurt when that love affair went south.  Two years later, I met the most recent ex, and then loved and supported and fought with and encouraged and badgered and celebrated him for ten years, and now it’s over.

I just spent about six weeks driving 9,000 miles through the United States.  I traveled through 30 states, stopping at rest areas, bars, libraries, restaurants, beaches, gas stations, grocery stores, parks, book stores, motels, three airports, a Jiffy Lube, museums, a couple of active-retirement communities and several chocolate shops.  Other than Mr. John the Pickle Man, no one evinced any – call it ‘romantic’ – interest in my newly-single self.  This is not surprising; in my twenties I could spend a Friday night in a suburban TGI Friday’s, at the bar with a martini, mascara and no book, without anyone offering to spot me a drink.  Some kind of anti-stick coating, or a cloaking device, has always been part of my make-up.  But I did have some kind of epiphany, out on some lonely highway, when I realized I do want to be in love someday, with a man who knows me truly, and loves me, and shows it.  And that I’m worth that.  I really can be a great girlfriend when I pay attention.

I’ll keep you posted.